Dear Christmas

Dear Christmas,

When you return next year, do not come alone,

Bring back the part of my heart that you’ve always known..

Let winter winds whisper her name in my ear,

Let every carol pretend that she is still here.

Why does the silence drown out every bell?

Why does the Christmas memory, break the calm so well?

Why does the calendar turn anyway, why does the time move without consent?

For I remember…it stood still with her, when she was all present?

Now that she’s gone, I feel like an empty tree in the winter,

That smiles widely when the strangers enter.

The bells hanging on me are weighing me down.. the only thing that keeps me together are these fairy light wires..

But why do they flicker, no longer shine,

When once they were steady, when she was all mine?

The snow that slept on her lashes is now quietly settling on her grave…

Her name once melted, warm on my tongue,

Now freezes in my throat…

The snow that remembered each step that she took,

Has forgotten her path, erased every look.

While I was wrapping her gift in red, the earth was preparing to wrap her in all white…

May be… just may be… winter like me found her beautiful enough to keep her forever..

My beautiful,

Can you hear carols where you now stay?

Can you hear me breaking every Christmas Day?

Can you feel warmth where your soul has gone?

Can you feel how I ache from dusk till dawn?

Do these lights reach you, shining so bright?

If they don’t reach you, they don’t reach my night.

For we both are gone.. dead…your body and my soul..

You are buried inside the earth and I’m buried inside your memories..

Now I sit and think on a Christmas Eve…probably, your heartbeat learned the season too well.. too well enough to stop in a winter crack…

And they say it’s the season of miracles.. yet, it cannot bring you back…